I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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