Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
