I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
