My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
