I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
