Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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