Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
