TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
