1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
