i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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