i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
