remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
