I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
