I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
pop tarts are not kleenex
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
