You smell like a Billy Joel song
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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