Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
