She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
