remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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