i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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