who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
