Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
