His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
