i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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