we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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