I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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