uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
