just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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