BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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