well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize