soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize