i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
