allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
