worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
