Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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