they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
