If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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