im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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