I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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