Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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