I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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