As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize