You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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