I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
