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i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize