And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
