We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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