I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
