You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
