Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We named our party play list daddy issues
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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