I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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