Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
