I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
