what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
