Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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