Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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