Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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