Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm always down for nudity.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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