If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
