1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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