note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
