I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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