I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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