she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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