he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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