well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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