Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
