he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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