i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
