I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
