Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
