someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
