using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
