This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
