You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
