You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
