My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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