yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
