I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
