***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
