So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
