Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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